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Hey Dudes!  Nothing too profound or involved this time around guys.  I won’t even launch into a discussion about independence and the 4th of July . . . all sorts of neat parallels I could tweeze out between that and being divorced.  But hey - I’m sure you’ve already considered them and what you REALLY want is just to kick back and have some fun.  The Fourth is just about the PERFECT Man Holiday isn’t it!?  You get to eat big o chunks of meat cooked over an open fire, you can wear shorts through the whole blame holiday, NOBODY is expecting you to remember to buy them a card and (best of all) you get to BLOW STUFF UP!  I mean it just DOES NOT get any better for us men hey?!  LOL!!

So go have fun, take the kids to a fireworks display or spend some time w/ your buds eating and enjoying the holiday.   Have a burger for me and have a blast (no pun intended).  Just try not to end up in the ER for blowing off some appendage that you’ll be needing later on okay?

Be Well!

Bill

Hey guys, I recently found this article with lots of links to money saving web sites ( I admit I haven’t checked them all out yet but I think it is worth a look!).

http://www.usnews.com/blogs/alpha-consumer/2008/06/10/top-5-money-saving-websites.html

See ya later,

Russ

I’ve been doing some thinking guys (never a safe thing) and given the uncertain economic times we find ourselves in and understanding that divorced men are especially vulnerable to such circumstances it seems like it might be a good time to introduce a new regular feature on our blog.  Basically what I’ve in mind is an on-going series of posts that give “survival tips” about how to get by on less.  The topics will vary across a broad range of subject matter from clipping coupons to putting in a small garden, from how to cut down on utility bills to ways to generate a bit of side income.  The individual posts will focus on individual topics instead of presenting a list of ideas; this way we will be able to share more details on the practical application side.  Some of the ideas may seem small or minimal money savers but the idea is that small savings add up quick.  Save a couple dollars a day and over the course of a year you have a nice Christmas for your kids or a nice added payment against the principle of your house or car loan.

We’ll also be encouraging each of you to share practical, money saving, advice as well.  Nearly everyone has a trick or two up their sleeve for saving a buck here or there.  Just respond in the comments section with your tip or idea so that everyone else can benefit.  If you send in an especially good, original idea we may even contact you and ask you to elaborate a bit by doing a guest post for us.  The idea here men is to help each other out a bit as we face these tough times.  Even those of us who have been doing the post-divorce thing for a while appreciate the occasional tip in this area and I know there are a lot of men still very new to it or who are really struggling due to a lack of employment and/or large child support and alimony judgments.  For them every dime they can squeeze out of their income is of huge importance! If you’d like you can leave the comment directly or you can send us an e-mail at divorced-dudes@dudesndivorce.com 

Finally; we’ll work on getting one of these up about every week although we’re going to focus more on quality than on quantity so we may have two on some weeks and none on others.  A lot of that will depend on the amount of input we get from our readers.

I’m excited about this idea and I really believe it has the potential to help all of us make it through these tough economic times in much better shape.

Be well!

Bill

When you reach the point that you feel you’re ready to get out into the dating world again one of the best ways to do so can be through an on-line personals site.  There are several good sites out there and many focus solely on individual local markets; meaning when you find the woman of your dreams she won’t be living a thousand miles away.  On-line dating also provides a means of stepping out slowly into the dating waters without getting in over your head too quickly; it allows you to meet people in a relatively safe environment and get to know them some before that first actual date.  But before you leap out into those waters just remember that there are hazards to beware of, while not common there ARE a few sharks!

First of all – obviously – remember that no matter whom you THINK you are talking to on-line you really don’t know.  The photo may not be of them, the profile may be a complete lie and their agenda may have nothing to do with romance.  Most sites will remove someone if complaints are made but few do any kind of meaningful screening of persons they allow to join.  It’s fairly rare but just remember as you proceed that this might just be a predator.

Second –  always meet for the first time in a public place and make sure someone else knows what you are doing.  A lot of men think that just because they’re a big strong manly man that they’ve nothing to fear from the sweet sounding young lady they’ve met on-line and have spoken with on the phone a few times.  The problem quite simply is that she may not be so sweet and it’s hard to win a fight with a gun or with some big bruiser who ambushes you.  Anyone you meet on-line who seems insistent on a private meeting initially should raise some red flags for you.  Not only is it just possible they may be up to no good but even if they aren’t they probably don’t have great judgment.  Dinner in a quite restaurant is a nice first date and relatively safe.

Third – be careful about giving out too much personal information.  Address, DOB, where you were born . . . these things can be used in identity theft.  Probably at some point you’ll need to give your phone number so you can talk rather than e-mail but I would only do so after you’ve chatted on-line for a few weeks.  I know most of us want to move a relationship forward a bit more quickly than that and some women may loose interest.  But unless you’re just looking for a quick roll in the sack you probably want to take the time to get to know this other person – and so will she.  After a couple or three weeks of  regular e-mails or IM’s if she still seems like someone you’re interested in then you are probably safe to give a phone number and start having actual conversations.  Again if she seems pushy – just walk away.

Fourth – be picky about the service you use; remember that the type of people you meet on-line is very dependant upon the type of site you are visiting/using.  It’s a lot like meeting people in social situations.  If you go to a strip club chances are slim you’ll find a lady you’d like to introduce to your kids or family.  The amount of respect a person has for themselves is reflected in the places they habituate and in how well they conduct themselves in a relationship.  Keep that in mind.

Fifth – When you post photos of yourself try to avoid including identifying information in the photo (for instance your mailbox in the background or a pic of you in the office w/ your name plate visible).  Also don’t show pics of your kiddos – while it’s a much bigger problem for women who do this than for men please keep in mind that not all pedophiles are male.  It’s also a bit embarrassing if your child’s teacher happens across your profile, or their friends mom . . .your children have a right to privacy as well.

Basically a bit of common sense and worldly wisdom goes a long way – while they may SEEM nice you really know next to nothing about who it is you are talking with – keep that in mind and you should do well.  On the up side I really do believe that on-line dating can be a great way to meet women and get back “in the saddle” as it were.  You have a lot more control over how fast things progress and how much of a risk you have to take.  I’ve met several wonderful women on-line over the years; some turned out to be just good friends, others just a few dates and nothing more.  You might even find the love of your life . . . if so I wish you the very best with that.

Hope this is of some help – I’m planning on an eventual post that reviews some of the sites I’ve tried.  Until then – Be Well!

Bill

Men, I don’t know about you, but for me there are three great sides for most any meal:  Potatoes, Stuffing and RICE.  Of these three rice is probably a bit healthier and I’ll venture to say a bit more versatile.  You can eat it plain or with any of a broad selection of vegetables mixed in (at the end of this post I’ll include a couple easy recipes).  There are also several different varieties available.  The one disadvantage of rice is that – unless you use an instant rice – it’s a bit harder to cook. 

Enter the Rice Cooker!  I’ve had two or three cookers now over the years and this little number – the Black & Decker RC3406 – is hands down the best deal for the money.  I’ve owned it for two years now and probably average at least one batch of rice a week . . . all without problems.  It’s a small cooker intended for one to two people which makes it just the right size for the single divorced “dude”.  The construction is good for the price and you just can’t beat the convenience.  Just throw in your ingredients, push the switch and walk away!  When the rice is done the cooker automatically switches over to the warming function.  The only suggestion I would make is if you are cooking whole grain brown rice you might want to double the water amount as it tends to slightly scorch it otherwise.  As with any appliance you have to learn the idiosyncrasies of your individual unit and adjust accordingly.

I bought mine at Wal-Mart a couple years ago for about $20, I’ve seen them at yard sales and such for as little as $5 – but unsure of working condition.  If you do buy one used make sure the cord is in decent shape and that the teflon coating of the pot isn’t scratched badly.  Amazon sells them new starting at 17.97 and have used ones starting at 15.00 (you can link to them from our site using the search bar on the right).  I imagine Target or other retailers may have them as well.  Now for those recipes!

These are simple side dishes that can be cooked entirely in your rice cooker.  There are many such variations available and even entire recipe books available for rice cooker meals!

Southwestern Beans N Rice:

2 cups whole grain brown rice or Jasmine rice

5 cups water

2 cups Southwestern Blend frozen veggies

teaspoon of butter

(if you like spicy food add some hot peppers to taste)

Put all ingredients in rice cooker, push down button to “cook”

Walk away until unit goes to “warm” setting.

Eat! (you should get two to three meals from this)

(This can be a full meal with the simple addition of a cup or two of chopped ham.  I imagine cooked sausage would be good as well although I’ve never tried it)

Asparagus and Mixed Veggies with Rice:

2 cups whole grain brown rice or jasmine rice

5 cups water

2 cups frozen veggies with asparagus

Put all ingredients in rice cooker, push down button to “cook”

Walk away until unit goes to “warm” setting.

Eat! (you should get two meals from this)

This is great side dish with baked chicken!

So there you are men – a basic review on a rice cooker that I feel is a good bargain for the money and a couple fairly healthy recipes that you can use in your cooker once you buy it.

Hope you enjoy and as always . . . Be Well!

Bill

Hey “Dudes”!

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been reading William Bennett’s Moral Compass lately.  I have a pretty stressful and intense job so I’ve been taking my lunch breaks as a chance to re-group and relax for a bit.  I just close the door, pull the Moral Compass off it’s shelf and enjoy reading a few pages while I eat.  The book is really wonderfully suited for that purpose since it’s mainly a collection of sayings, poems, short stories and such.  So far I’m still in the first section which is geared towards the moral instruction of children.  There is some REALLY great stuff in here!  And as I’ve read it I’ve seen two powerful applications for divorced men:

The first application is pretty direct; it’s a good source of inspiration and material for any father who cares about imparting a solid moral compass to his children.  As I’ve worked my way through it I’ve thought back to the time when my children were young and the things I did (or didn’t do) to instill the basic core values of our society into them. 

For those of us who are divorced the responsibility and opportunity to teach our children   positive values and the importance of a good moral character are made a bit more difficult.  The amount of available quality time, conflicting messages from their other parent and the general influence of a very materialistic society can make it seem like a constant up-hill battle.  While a lot of the stories or poems are pretty old they each contain a nugget or two of solid wisdom that are never out dated.  If your kiddos are young most of it is great material for bedtime stories – if they are older it gives some useful analogies that you can weave into your conversations with them (see my earlier post “Scars” ( http://dudesndivorce.com/2009/06/13/scars/  ). 

The second application is a bit more subtle; Lets face it – our society makes so much “noise” that sometimes it’s hard to even think.  We are assaulted day in and day out by such a withering barrage of ambiguity, situational ethics, self-centeredness and materialism that it’s easy to get out of touch with our own moral compass.  I’ve found it very affirming and satisfying to go back to the “lessons of my youth” and read or re-read stories that reinforce and amplify the direction of my own, internal Moral Compass.  While it’s been some time since I last went through a divorce I know very well how chaotic that process is and how often you are confronted with difficult moral and ethical choices;  I can’t help but think how refreshing it would be to read some of this material when going through that.

I found my copy in a flea market and paid $6 for it; probably any decent used book store would have a copy laying around for about the same.  I looked it up at Amazon and they have it starting even cheaper than the $6 I paid for it . . . I went ahead and put that up on our Amazon widget in case anyone is interested.

All in all a very good and useful book . . . can’t wait to continue reading it and letting you all know what I find!

Until next time – Be Well!

Bill