dudesndivorce.com

It is easy sometimes to get caught up in all the negative aspects of being a divorced “dude”; alimony, child support, loneliness, missing your children, lost friends, etc . . etc . . ..  But, as with everything else in life, you can be sure there are some positives to be found even here in “divorceland”.  Your perspective determines how you perceive the raw data of your life and thus determines your reality.  (ok enough with the philosophy eh?).  I chose a while back to  perceive this time in my life as a window of opportunity to do things I’d not had the chance to do before. Using that as a springboard I’m going to list a few windows that may be open to you as well provided you have the desire to take advantage of current circumstances.

 -           Go back to school; shortly after my last divorce I had a chance to return to school and complete my Masters degree.  Previously this avenue had been closed to me because of a variety of reasons stemming from my marriage.  After a divorce is sometimes a good time to think about returning to the ivory halls of academia; more free time, fewer distractions and outside commitments and while money can be tight a single man can live on much less that a family (provided you don’t have custody of your children).

 -           Pick back up an old hobby or develop a new one.  Often times we drift away from our interests because of the daily pressures of life and family.  Post-divorce sometimes finds a guy with fewer of these pressures and more spare time on his hands.  It’s also worth noting that many hobbies can be gotten into with a minimum of expense.  Camping, fishing, hunting, theater, gardening, bowling, collecting, music . . . the list is endless.  An added benefit I’ve discovered is the wonderful escape from the stresses of divorce that a hobby can provide.  Personally I love to cast a line in a local lake, enjoy the peace and quite of the outdoors and concentrate on something OTHER than the latest drama from the Ex for a while.

 -           Related to the hobby thing above is the idea of picking up a field of study.  Maybe you want to learn a new language (Russ is teaching himself Mandarin Chinese!) or learn about fine wines or Native American history or learn guitar whatever field is of interest; doesn’t have to involve formal classes. 

 -           Travel; now if you can afford to travel overseas then great but you know there is an awful lot to be said for a weekend road trip.  Throw a overnight bag in the backseat and hit the road for a destination you’ve been wanting to visit or just to see where the road takes you.  This is both relaxing and fun and not too terribly expensive.  (It’s also a great activity to do with your kids BTW).

 -  Volunteering; have a favorite charity that you’ve always wanted to support more actively?  Here’s your chance!  Wither it’s helping build a house for Habitat for Humanity or manning the phones for Jerry’s Kid’s chances are they will be delighted to have someone willing to lend a hand. 

 These are just a few examples to get you thinking but there are many more.  I believe that for me it was very beneficial to work on developing new interests and learn new things.  Helped me to work through the stresses of post divorce life and to put a more positive spin on the reality of my situation.

 Bill