I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine who has struggled with divorce before and is again. This particular conversation echoed some themes that I have heard time and again from not only men but women also when discussing relationships and in particular, marriage. And that is, how we deal with all the little things that our wife or loved one does that may irritate us in some way. Some may be very minor annoyances while others may loom quite large!
To be frank, it astounds me at all the relationships that are allowed to die on the craggy rocks of small annoyances. Nevertheless, it happens! I often ask myself, wouldn’t it be better to address these small annoyances before they grow to become relationship killers?
True, some are much easier to handle than others. For example, not screwing the toothpaste cap back on is a much easier annoyance to work out between two people as opposed to someone who has a habit of “flying of the handle” when things don’t go their way. I understand that. And I understand the difference between minor issues and real serious major issues in a relationship.
I think what I’m trying to get at is this… Relationships can be hard enough without the added strain of not properly addressing the “small stuff” as it comes up. This “small stuff”, if not handled properly AND IN A TIMELY MANNER has a tendency to grow and become “big stuff” that can kill your relationship.
For example, if your like me and you ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT STAND to listen to someone chew with their mouth open and you notice your significant other has a tendency to do this, well, my friend, I suggest you address it with her. You may be able to convince yourself now that you can ignore it, and you may be able to for quite awhile, but years from now your gonna notice that really getting on your nerves. And you realize it has been on your nerves ALL this time, building tension and stress in the background of your relationship. When suddenly it comes exploding out of your mouth at the most untimely moment, in a heated rush, or spurs your to say something else you wish you had not said! After all the hurt feelings and foul words and apologies (both sincere and insincere) are over, let me ask you this one question….
Wouldn’t it have been easier to address this with her years ago? When you could have stayed calm and kept your wits about you and not allowed yourself to be overcome by years and years of stress and tension and frustration? You could have been polite, sensitive, intelligent, heck man, you might’ve even been funny! But now! Now it all blew up in your face. She’s mad! Your mad! Nobody’s happy.
All because a little problem became a big problem. Aside from the fact that if you two can’t work out a small issue early on it may be a sign for other problems ahead too. Just something to think about, if ya know what I mean!
See ya later,
Russ
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