Yes, the hum-dinger of all holidays is almost upon us . . . Christmas/Hanukkah/ Kwanza! (Chrunukawanza?) For divorced “dudes” like us the normal joys of this time of year can be tempered with some unpleasant emotions and circumstances; I know I’ve certainly been there myself.
There are a lot of different, potential, issues here that can be impacted by your divorce (as Russ alluded to in his earlier post) but I’d like to start off by looking at what your divorce CAN’T change.
1. Your Divorce CAN’T change the meaning of the holiday . . . Speaking as a Christian the Christmas “Holy Day” is a celebration of God’s gift to man of His son Jesus and thus also of forgiveness and love. Those are very significant and important things to me that I don’t allow any outside circumstances to take away. There are similar, important, meanings to Hanukkah and Kwanza or to the general gift-giving season for those not of an especially religious bent. Whatever your personal “reason for the season” your divorce can’t change that unless you allow it.
2. Your divorce CAN’T change your ability to celebrate the season with close friends and extended family; maybe during the course of the divorce some friends chose sides or some distances were created – but new friends can be made as well. I’ve found comfort and joy in gathering with those important people in my life during this time of year . . . maybe it’s not the same as your kids . . . but it can still be a very good thing.
3. Your divorce CAN’T change your ability to give to others. Yes a big child support and alimony judgement can limit how much you can SPEND but not how much you can GIVE. At no other time in the year are there as many opportunities to help others by giving of yourself . . . take advantage of it! (and if possible get your kiddos involved!).
4. Your divorce CAN’T change the great memories you have of Christmas’s past . . . yes, some of those memories become bittersweet . . . but nothing can change the past and so those good memories are yours to keep. And just like in the Christmas Carol by Dickens the nature of Christmas Future can only be changed by what you choose to do with Christmas Present . . . and your divorce CAN’T change your ability to so choose. Sure it can limit your options some but options are not nearly as important in my experience as is attitude. Like Scrooge you can obsess with keeping a record of accounts – or you can decide to choose a different approach to the holiday and move forward. Hard thing sometimes to do; been through it myself and I know first-hand how difficult it can be, but I think it is the better way to go in the long run.
In my next post I’ll look at the things your divorce CAN change and some ideas on how to deal with those changes.
Until then, be well
and Happy Chrunukawanza !!!
Bill
