Before I start this post I want to extend an apology for not getting this posted on Saturday as I’d earlier promised. I try to always follow through when I say I’m going to do something; unfortunately on this go around there were some surprise visitors that threw me off my schedule; thank you for being patient.
Now on to the post!
As we’ve already discussed there are some real stress inducers wrapped up in the holiday season for divorced men. Interrupted celebrations, awkward visitation schedules, financial pressures, squabbling ex-spouses the list is long and wearisome. It’s no coincidence that the holidays find so many divorced men depressed, angry, even suicidal. What’s more it is just the kind of situation in which the pressure slowly builds without you hardly being aware of it until suddenly (or so it seems) you’re at the melt down point.
So before you beat a hapless department store Santa senseless with a roll of wrapping paper let’s take a look at some common warning signs of growing stress:
1 – Short Temper; when your emotional plate is full to over-flowing the ability to contain even a small amount of frustration or disappointment can become much more difficult. If those around you have started to mention it or if you start to notice it yourself then that’s a red flag that your stress levels are growing (not that all those other people have suddenly gotten much more irritating! ~:?)
2 – Lack of Motivation; I’ve noticed this tendency often with myself, when stress starts to build I start to gravitate more and more towards just sitting in my easy chair doing nothing. Sometimes it’s all you can do to just get up in the morning and make it to work! (much less deal with all this holiday crap!). For some this can grow to the point that life seems to be lived under a heavy, wet, wool blanket in which even the slightest effort is exhausting. If things start to get to this point for you it’s time to talk with your doctor as it could be the onset of clinical depression.
3 – Workaholism; The opposite extreme of the motivational spectrum is also a warning sign. If you are working 12 and 14 hour days and most of the weekend as well then you may be trying to distract yourself from the stressors in your life; much easier to deal with work stuff (especially if you are successful at work) than the seemingly out of control holiday madness.
4 – Party, Party, Party!! This is another means some guys use to distract themselves from the stress around them; if you stay busy doing fun and exciting “stuff” then you don’t have to deal with or think about the frustrating, out-of-control “stuff”.
5 – Appetite; either extreme from your norm is the signal here. If you suddenly don’t want to eat a thing or conversely you suddenly find yourself constantly stuffing your face then the stress levels may be becoming a problem.
6 – Drinking; nothing wrong with a beer now and then or a glass of wine . . . but when the number and frequency starts to grow then it’s time to take notice and get things under control. Many a serious drinking problem got it’s start over the holidays.
7 – Obsessive Thinking; If you find yourself going over certain situations or events over and over in your mind or worrying constantly about how your going to handle a situation then you may be under a lot more stress than you realize.
8 – Finally; if you find yourself thinking about harming yourself or someone else – even if it’s just a “harmless” daydream – then you are under probably a lot more stress than you realize and it’s time to talk with someone.
As men we tend to want to solve our problems on our own and often shy away from asking or looking for help from someone else. That’s a great characteristic to have in a lot of situations but the trick is realizing when you really do need the help and taking the steps to find it. Stress is nothing to play around with; left unaddressed it can grow into depression, anxiety attacks, physical health problems, poor job performance, substance abuse and even suicide. Talking with your doctor is a good start as is speaking to your pastor, a counselor or other professional. In an earlier post I described some good stress relieving activities that you can utilize to cope with the anxiety ( Top Ten Ways To Beat Divorce Stress). But those can not take the place of professional diagnosis and treatment. If you try to lift to much and strain your back you don’t hesitate to go to a medical professional so likewise when you try to deal with too much stress and start to feel the strain you should go to a mental health professional. Just makes sense right?
Hope this was some help
Until next time, be well
Bill
