Okay men I thought we might take on a subject that has here-to-for been somewhat ignored on this site . . . sex. All in favor of sex say Aiy . . . (“AIY!”); all opposed? . . . (crickets chirping). Okay then; the Aiy’s have it (big surprise).
Most of us who have been through a divorce have experienced a period of recovery in which we have this overwhelming sense of freedom coupled (no pun intended) with some pretty strong and unaddressed (oo another unintended pun!) desires. You find yourself free from a monogamous relationship, been a long time since you had any “luvin’” and there’s this cute gal at work flirting with you . . . and well . . .. Can be a very tempting set up for even the purest amongst us. I’ve seen some men just go crazy and chase just about anything in a skirt; which can be a fairly dangerous plan in this day and age. What makes things even . . . more difficult (you’ll notice how I side stepped the obvious indelicate phrasing there) is that there are a lot of divorced women in the same age range going through the same thing. So how do we avoid drowning in this hormonal soup into which we’ve been cast? The last thing any of us need is to wind up in another bad marriage, catch some horrible disease, become an unplanned parent or all three!
Well, as usual, I’m certainly no expert on the matter and can only share some things that have helped me chart a fairly responsible and healthy course:
First – when temptation comes knocking in a short skirt and push-up bra I ask myself why this lovely creature isn’t already in a stable relationship. Yes there are some great reasons why she may be unattached at the moment but I think it’s good to make sure that I know that’s the case. There are some women out there who are just as predatory and/or dysfunctional as some guys and they can completely screw your life up.
Second – Is she disease free? Yes, yes I know – horribly unromantic to ask for a blood test before pouring the champagne. But then dieing kinda sucks too and as I’m sure you might have heard there are some really ugly, mean and nasty bugs going around these days that will kill you dead or maim you for life and it only takes one passionate (and unprotected) encounter.
Third – what kind of emotional commitment am I prepared to make. Assuming that you didn’t just meet this gal in a bar and don’t even know her real name (see one and two above) then there is probably some kind of relationship growing between the two of you. Of course having sex with someone in that kind of situation is also commonly referred to as “making love” and that is quite often exactly what is going on for at least one of the partners. Physical intimacy carries with it emotional intimacy unless you’re just using her in which case probably none of what we’re talking about here is very important to you.
Finally – I’ve been in several situations that were very, very tempting. It surprises me how bold some women are in the 30 plus age group. But I always try to step back and ask myself what kind of situation I’m getting myself into; sort of a look before you leap philosophy. I try to make it my first priority NOT to add a lot of drama and heartache to my life and while some of the offers may look REALLY good on the outside they most commonly are indeed too good to be true and carry a price tag that is just not acceptable. I guess the short version would be to remember to think with the right organ.
Hope this was helpful to someone, I’d love to hear from other guys on how they’ve dealt with this issue.
Until then, Be Well
Bill
