Hey dudesndivorce.com dudes!
I am really looking forward to Bill’s posts on Post Divorce Dating. Even though I have already ventured into those waters I feel reading his posts will give me a different insight on how my kids may have interpreted my entering that new stage of life and how it effected them.
To be honest, I have tried, painfully so, to open and forthright with my children ( they are older, the youngest nearly 18 at the onset of the divorce) but often I suspect that openness and forthrightness has not been returned to me. Especially when I ask them how they feel about the divorce or, for example, my dating. As Bill will tell you, I try not to live in a fantasy world regarding my children. I love them completely but that does not mean I do not see their faults. In fact, I feel loving someone means seeing all their faults and loving them despite those faults.
And while I feel that their has been much deception learned from so many other sources in their lives, I understand and am open to the idea that they may PERCEIVE my declaring for divorce as a deception to them and their mother. Sometimes I feel I can see this in their eyes. But they just won’t say it to me. I often wish they would so I could address it, I try to give them opportunities to say it on our conversations. But they have yet to take that chance! I wish they would. It’s sort of like the big white elephant in the room that no one will talk about, you know. I’ve thought many time about bringing it up myself but I think it would be so much healthier for them if they would broach the subject. Maybe I’m wrong here.
Usually I’m willing to push the envelope but I’ve learned the hard way over the years that that is often a bad philosophy when it comes to human relationships! So I’m trying the whole patience and understanding thing. Duh!
Chime in dudes, tell me what a bonehead I am, or I’m a genius eh!
See ya later at the relationship watering hole,
Russ
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