Valentine’s day, I think this has to be one of the most difficult holidays of the year for a divorced man. It seems tailor-made to remind us of missed opportunities, lost love and loneliness. Everywhere you turn there are happy couples enjoying romantic interludes together and there you are thinking of Valentine’s past. Yeah like Christmas and Father’s Day it can be one of those that we’d just as soon got over with as soon as possible. Unfortunately, since there’s no way to speed up time, we have to get through it somehow and so I thought I’d throw out a few strategies that have helped me.
1 – Avoid going out to eat or to a public place where “dating” couples are going to be. No sense in rubbing salt into fresh wounds and just seeing happy couples together can be pretty depressing.
2 – Soooo stay home and rent a movie or two; not Casablanca or Sleepless in Seattle either!! How about The Dirty Dozen or Rambo?? A good action flick where the closest thing to romance is the way the hero treats his gun.
3 – If movies aren’t your thing then find a good book and loose yourself in it – or work on the car or organize your fishing gear or whatever you like to do that will help get your mind off of the holiday.
4 – Conversely, for some guys, maybe a better tact to take is to create some new memories to super-impose over the old ones. Rather than celebrating romantic love use it to celebrate the love you have for your daughter or mom or sister. Take one, or all of them, out to dinner, buy them some flowers and some chocolates and let them know how much you love and appreciate them. That, after all, is what Valentines is really all about. Believe me you will make their day!
5 – Personally I would steer clear of the tendency some men have of trying to find a date for that special evening. At least be clear in your own mind what your motivation is and where it comes from. No sense making matters worse than they need to be for yourself.
That’s about all I have and I guess it boils down to either distracting yourself from the holiday or reframing it with some equally pleasant memories than those you may have of you and your ex-wife. Hope these help some or at least give you some ideas to think on.
Until next time then, be well!
Bill
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