dudesndivorce.com

Hey dudesndivorce.com guys!

Wow, life can occasionally be so damn, well, overwhelming is the only word to describe it sometimes. I don’t think I need to tell any of you, much less those of you that have already ran the gauntlet known as divorce! To show you how crazy I am (or stupid!) I actually thought life might slow down just a tad after it all played out. HA! Fooled me! Life just keeps coming at you non-stop.

Unfortunately this doesn’t really give you a chance to recover from the ordeal of divorce. Whether you need to simply take a prolonged break and catch your breath or you need time to “heal” emotionally and/or spiritually rarely does life present that opportunity.  I know it didn’t for me. You just get swept right up into the next thing to do and keep on keepin’ on!

The bad part of all that is, and maybe at the time you don’t have time to really think about it, but you do need time to heal or at least digest everything that has happened to you, process it and figure out your next step(s). So many people discuss the legal ramifications of divorce or the financial debris that is left behind, and I by no means dispute the existence or the importance of these issues either, but my focus is on another issue. For most of us marriage is or was at its very heart an emotional matter. Assuming your relationship with your ex-spouse was based on love (at least from your point of view) at one time or another. Now that marriage, that relationship, those emotions have been rent asunder. Perhaps this happened suddenly or perhaps this happened gradually over a period of years, nevertheless it has happened. And, whether you are eager to admit it or deal with it, your heart, your emotions have suffered a grievous injury.

The more grievous the injury the more healing necessary.

Sometimes we deal with this pain, this agony appropriately and in a positive, healthy, mature manner. We recognize it for what it is and are able to deal with it, sometimes with the help of others (friends, family, and/or professionals). And we move on to bigger and better things fairly quickly.

But some of us don’t. Either we don’t recognize the agony and pain we are suffering or we simply do not deal with it in a way that could be described as positive or mature or healthy. Or both. And because of that we may hurt ourselves or those around us even more. We may spiral downward or out of control, further complicating our problems as we lash out in our misery. The question then becomes; just how far do we have to go before we realize enough is enough? How much pain do we have to suffer? How much misery must we endure or put those around us through? At what point do we say to ourselves, “I’ve had enough! I want to get better now. I want to move on with my life.”?

Some of you may be able to think of someone who overtly exhibited some of these traits, perhaps he started drinking heavily after a divorce or abusing some other means to destroy himself. The overt ones are easy to spot. And I do not mean to infer they do not need help. But what about the “stealth” self destroyers? The men that may be engaging in destructive activities unknown to their families and friends? The men whose private thoughts are such but present to you another face?

I worry more about these men. They by their very nature may be less likely to seek out help on their own, even from those closest to them. For this reason, I suggest do not shun the divorced or divorcing man. He needs your fellowship, your companionship. He needs to know he is not alone and that he can share his thoughts and worries in an non-threatening environment, like we try to create here at dudesndivorce.com.

See ya later,

Russ