So let’s look at the reality that many divorced men face economically. First many have significant Child Support and Alimony obligations ordered by the court – these can be modified (maybe) if you’ve a big change in circumstances but of course that costs added money and there are no guarantees that the court will be understanding. Furthermore there is always the risk that the ex-wife may be laid off or experience her own financial set-backs and will petition the court for an increase. This raises the uncertainty factor several degrees. Secondly if your children don’t live with you then there are some limitations on how far away you can move in search of work and still be able to play an active role in their lives. Third, if your children live primarily with you then you have a loss in available options; a single man can work any shift and live in a tent if he has to . . . not an option with little ones. Finally since most divorces divide up the retirement income of the primary wage earner and/or many hard assets of the couple (such as a home etc . . ..) a divorced man may find himself with an up-hill climb to regain a more secure financial situation. In effect the loss or reduction of these assets amounts to being put back to your late twenties or early thirties. There may be many other ways in which a divorce can impact you financially but these are what I would consider the most important.
Given these effects on your life and facing economically uncertain times how can we prepare ourselves? Personally I believe that one’s mental preparation is the most important starting point. The following are some areas that I found critical as I was working my way up out of the bottom of the financial barrel:
1 – Belief in Yourself: fancy name is “self-efficacy” but the basic concept is the solid belief in your own ability to overcome hard times. Poverty is the antithesis of self-efficacy. It’s a difficult thing to master at times; especially when those times are very rough and it seems like everyone else has control over your life but you. For myself the trick has always been to focus on what I can change, put as much energy as I can into those things and keep in mind that nothing lasts forever (it just seems to).
2 – Make a Plan: Outline what resources you have (assets, abilities, talents, education) and what you want to accomplish and then make a plan for how you will use the one to achieve the second. Don’t sell yourself short either! If you are good at something write it down! This is kind of like one of those survival situations in which the shipwrecked passenger is listing all the resources at his or her disposal in order to figure out how to survive. It’s vital to put everything down no matter how small or silly it may seem. (Just imagine if the professor had never told Gilligan about his ability to make a radio out of coconuts! ~:?))
3 – Remain Flexible: While a plan is vital be willing and able to respond to changing situations . . . adaptability is the key to survival. No one really knows what the economy is going to do or how that will impact them personally months from now. So all we can do is make plans based on our best information right now and then make changes if things worsen or improve.
4 – Do the Right Thing: This may sound like an odd addition but it’s been my experience in life that it is a crucial piece of the puzzle. Always follow your own moral code, bad times are temporary but your personal integrity and character stick with you for a life time. When times get bad and you are having to work your way up out of a hole you will need the trust and confidence of others; hard things to earn – easy things to loose.
5 – Keep on Keepin’ On: There WILL be set backs, there WILL be problems, disasters, upsets and retreats. Times may get very rough – but just take it day by day and don’t give up. Acceptance of that fact and a determination to see it through are really at the heart and soul of the matter. I seem to recall reading somewhere that the difference between those who make it through tough times and those who don’t isn’t so much determined by intelligence, strength or resources as much as simple perseverance . . . sounds about right to me.
Next post I’ll talk about some corner-cutting, money saving ideas that I’ve discovered over the years that can really help make ends meet. Until then everyone – Be Well!
Bill
