That’s it! You’ve had enough! You can’t take it any more!
She’s done it again! Over and over again. Whatever it is that bugs the living daylights out of you, she’s done it yet again! What’s up with that?
Let’s be honest gentleman, most guys have a problem communicating their frustrations to others, especially their spouses. We either rant and rave or bottle things up until we explode! Neither strategy leads to success.
Again let us refer to some research into the state of long term marriages and their successes. One of the keys that have been consistent is the ability of BOTH partners to be able to express their frustrations in a healthy manner as they come up rather than let them build up to the point of danger. Healthy manner does not include the ranting and raving technique. Yes, it may have been timely but I’m afraid it is not a healthy and respectful method of communicating your frustrations! But you are moving in the right direction, you just may need to modify your technique to achieve the success you are looking for. And that is what we’re all about isn’t it? Achieving the success in a relationship we are looking for?
Not expressing your frustration in a healthy and timely manner leads to resentment. Resentment will eat away at your marriage or relationship like a slow acting acid. Or like carrying a huge weight throughout your life. It destroys slowly but inevitably. The best way to deal with this is to be proactive. To be honest. And to do that you need to cultivate and create and environment in your realtionship in which BOTH partners can feel free to express their frustrations. Not only do you need to “clear the air” but you also need to allow your partner to do the same. Without retribution. But rather with respect for each other’s thoughts and feelings.
This may not be easy for you or your partner. But I encourage you, it is worth it. But bold, be strong. Be the leader if need be. Lead by example. Perhaps you may need to be the first to display an openness and respect for her thoughts and feelings. Invite her to share and then actually attend to her comments! Focus on what she is saying, listen to her! Turn off the TV, put down the paper, or walk away from the tools. Place your whole attention on your relationship for this moment in time. Think of it as an investment, your investing time in your relationship for a future happy return.
On the other hand, you may need to lead the way by calmly expressing yourself with “I” statements to explain your frustrations. What are “I” statements? For example; “I get really mad when you don’t tell me about a check you’ve written.” or “I get angry when you say this about my family.” The “I” statement does some very simple but effective things for you. One; it allows you to take responsibility for your feelings on whatever issue is at hand. Two; it does NOT attack the other person, thus giving them an opportunity to look at the issue from your point of view. Because now they are not defending themselves from an attack from you, rather they are engaged WITH you in a conversation to discuss the issue and potentially find an answer. They are now invested in the success of the outcome of this with you.
So, how much does an “ARRRGH” weigh? Sometimes it’s the exact amount necessary to break the back of your relationship!
See ya later!
Russ
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