Hello dudesndivorce.com guys!
May I ask a question? What kind of “No”s do you get from your wife, fiancee, girlfriend, or perhaps your children?
Do you get a hateful, angry, vicious “No”?
Or a timid, frightened, “I really don’t want to answer you” kind of “No”?
Or perhaps you don’t get a “No” at all? You used to, but that was a long time ago, and now you don’t?
Naturally, many many factors can come into the creation of these responses ranging from personal backgrounds, personality traits, the topic involved, and even health. And while all of those are valid subjects, today, I would like to discuss one aspect of the “No” response. And that is our contribution to it.
If you so often get the angry, defensive “No”, ask yourself “Why do I get that response so often?” Remember we are removing all other factors for this exercise and only considering our own possible contributions to it. Ask this question for the type of “No” you so often receive. Reflect on your past behavior in the relationship, do you think that has led to this type of response?
If you’ve been domineering, demanding, bullying, threatening, or even selfish frequently in the relationship can lead to these types of responses. If she responds often angrily, she may feel she has a need to defend her self, her rights, her feelings and assert herself to you. If her response is more of the timid kind, she may feel that there is little hope in confronting you directly or has simply given up the hope that you would listen to or respect her.
Quite obviously I am focusing on only certain aspects of this issue. As I mentioned before many other factors may effect this, BUT if any of this rings true for you, it may be time to do some serious soul searching or seek out some help.
It all comes down to this, do you really want to be THAT kind of man? The kind that women or children are afraid of? Don’t confuse respect with fear. That isn’t respect, that is fear and/or anger that springs from fear.
Here’s a mental and emotional exercise for you; when those moments occur (or remember one and reflect on that) try to see yourself through her eyes, through her thoughts and feelings. How does she see you? What does she think about you at that moment? How does she feel at that moment that guides her actions? Really put yourself “in her shoes” and then ask yourself again, “Is that how I want her to think or feel about me?” If it is not, what can you do, what will you do to change it?
See ya later, dudes!
Russ
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