Hello dudesndivorce.com compatriots!
Well here it is Friday again and I once again sit here musing. Is it because it’s Friday or because my blood sugar is low? It can’t be because I’m just staring at my navel. I haven’t seen that in years!
But I digress…
Have you ever noticed many relationships seem to devolve into some sort of competition? It becomes some sort of whacked out reality game show, “Man Vs. Wife” or “Boyfriend Vs. Girlfriend”. How does that happen? Why does that happen?
Maybe it’s just me but it seems that the “goal” of a relationship isn’t to “win”, to achieve some sort of personal victory over someone else but rather to get to know some one else, to share life with each other (the good and the bad), and to let them know you. Not to “win” every argument or have your way in each and every issue. Or to keep some sort of mental (or emotional) scoreboard tallying up points for each other’s “wins” in hopes of coming up with a “final” score and “winning”.
I’ll be absolutely honest, I simply do not understand this thinking or approach to relationships. What benefit has anyone ever gotten through this method? Has it EVER succeeded? I suppose we should define succeed here! By succeed I mean creating and or building and maintaining a mutually satisfying relationship for both parties.
I have noticed that those men that practice the “gotta win” philosophy in relationships usually don’t have very good ones. They are usually very shallow and often short and are typified by frequent arguments. Wow! That sounds just fantastic…
As I have often heard. “How’s that working out for ya?”
Russ
I think that Eckart Tolle’s book, A New Earth talks to this a bit. Seems all this comes down to egos and how one is aware of their own and how it plays with that of another. The battle that goes on between them if unchecked can lead to disharmony. Attempting to be “aware” of one’s own ego will certainly help in giving understanding to the needs and what drives them. Also, something that I have taken from this book is to attempt some Zen like concepts for happiness… (calm acceptance of the here and now, non-attachment to “things” physical, non-resistance to “what is”, and non-judgment). Of course for us mere mortals, this is easier said than done. Getting your partner on the same page with this can also be a challenge… Just my two cents…. ~Thad
Thanks for the comment Thad; I agree that self awareness is key. Learning how your personal ego shapes your perceptions and how those perceptions then influence how you conduct yourself in your various relationships – that’s the real effort.