Well now that I have everyone’s attention! Sex certainly has a way of grabbing our interest doesn’t it!? From the time we first figure out that girls don’t have “cooties” after all, our brains seem to be programmed to dump all other data in favor of matters pertaining to those three little letters and the acts associated there with. This becomes especially true in the time immediately after you separate from your spouse and begin moving towards a divorce.
For some, coming out of a “cold” relationship it has a lot to do with pent up sexual frustrations. For others it is the idea that “Finally” they can pursue other relationships. No matter what the cause it is generally true that most go through a period in which they are thinking a LOT about sex; specifically . . . how they might get some.
In that initial period of excitement it’s kind of easy to put the higher cerebral functioning in neutral and do most of our thinking with our passions. I don’t know what your experience has been but mine has shown that my passions rarely consider all the possible repercussions and that, of course, is the problem. Listening to your passions leads you to act like a 15 year old. Which is rough enough at 15! Much more so at 35 or 40.
It all seems so wonderful when it’s happening but a few days later when you are worried sick about a possible pregnancy or STD or your lady friend is turning out to be borderline psychotic . . .the warm fuzzies get hard to find.
I’m not going to give a list of reasons NOT to have sex; Nor am I going to proselytize or preach about why you shouldn’t. We’re all big boys here and know those things full well. And you have probably already made up your mind on the matter and if you are intent on “having fun” then nothing I or anyone else says is going to make much of a difference. Passions not only make poor thinkers . . . they also tend to be deaf.
But what I think I might do – if you are interested – is offer up some “tricks” to sticking with the decision to hold off on sexual relations until you are ready emotionally and have found the “right” woman to share those things with. I’ve been divorced twice and have been through this myself more than once. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve had successes and I think that I can offer some information that might be helpful.
In the interest of having enough space to really treat the topic right, I believe I’ll start that in my next post on Tuesday. Until then if you’ve any specific challenges please feel free to leave a comment or drop me a line at divorced-dudes@dudesndivorce.com
Until then . . . let’s be careful out there! . . . and Be Well!!
Bill
