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When you reach the point that you feel you’re ready to get out into the dating world again one of the best ways to do so can be through an on-line personals site.  There are several good sites out there and many focus solely on individual local markets; meaning when you find the woman of your dreams she won’t be living a thousand miles away.  On-line dating also provides a means of stepping out slowly into the dating waters without getting in over your head too quickly; it allows you to meet people in a relatively safe environment and get to know them some before that first actual date.  But before you leap out into those waters just remember that there are hazards to beware of, while not common there ARE a few sharks!

First of all – obviously – remember that no matter whom you THINK you are talking to on-line you really don’t know.  The photo may not be of them, the profile may be a complete lie and their agenda may have nothing to do with romance.  Most sites will remove someone if complaints are made but few do any kind of meaningful screening of persons they allow to join.  It’s fairly rare but just remember as you proceed that this might just be a predator.

Second –  always meet for the first time in a public place and make sure someone else knows what you are doing.  A lot of men think that just because they’re a big strong manly man that they’ve nothing to fear from the sweet sounding young lady they’ve met on-line and have spoken with on the phone a few times.  The problem quite simply is that she may not be so sweet and it’s hard to win a fight with a gun or with some big bruiser who ambushes you.  Anyone you meet on-line who seems insistent on a private meeting initially should raise some red flags for you.  Not only is it just possible they may be up to no good but even if they aren’t they probably don’t have great judgment.  Dinner in a quite restaurant is a nice first date and relatively safe.

Third – be careful about giving out too much personal information.  Address, DOB, where you were born . . . these things can be used in identity theft.  Probably at some point you’ll need to give your phone number so you can talk rather than e-mail but I would only do so after you’ve chatted on-line for a few weeks.  I know most of us want to move a relationship forward a bit more quickly than that and some women may loose interest.  But unless you’re just looking for a quick roll in the sack you probably want to take the time to get to know this other person – and so will she.  After a couple or three weeks of  regular e-mails or IM’s if she still seems like someone you’re interested in then you are probably safe to give a phone number and start having actual conversations.  Again if she seems pushy – just walk away.

Fourth – be picky about the service you use; remember that the type of people you meet on-line is very dependant upon the type of site you are visiting/using.  It’s a lot like meeting people in social situations.  If you go to a strip club chances are slim you’ll find a lady you’d like to introduce to your kids or family.  The amount of respect a person has for themselves is reflected in the places they habituate and in how well they conduct themselves in a relationship.  Keep that in mind.

Fifth – When you post photos of yourself try to avoid including identifying information in the photo (for instance your mailbox in the background or a pic of you in the office w/ your name plate visible).  Also don’t show pics of your kiddos – while it’s a much bigger problem for women who do this than for men please keep in mind that not all pedophiles are male.  It’s also a bit embarrassing if your child’s teacher happens across your profile, or their friends mom . . .your children have a right to privacy as well.

Basically a bit of common sense and worldly wisdom goes a long way – while they may SEEM nice you really know next to nothing about who it is you are talking with – keep that in mind and you should do well.  On the up side I really do believe that on-line dating can be a great way to meet women and get back “in the saddle” as it were.  You have a lot more control over how fast things progress and how much of a risk you have to take.  I’ve met several wonderful women on-line over the years; some turned out to be just good friends, others just a few dates and nothing more.  You might even find the love of your life . . . if so I wish you the very best with that.

Hope this is of some help – I’m planning on an eventual post that reviews some of the sites I’ve tried.  Until then – Be Well!

Bill