Well you have probably noticed a few changes to the site, nothing really major as far as functionality but I would like to acknowledge that Mike over at SquarePeg Systems  (otherwise known to us as “Web Dude”) has really come through again!  Mike helped us through a botched upgrade attempt (let the record show that I was the one who botched it – a computer genius I ain’t!) and got us “squared” away.  Mike does excellent work, is helpful, friendly and always patient with what I am sure seem like stupid questions from Russ and I.  He’s also Bi-lingual!!  meaning he speaks both Computeresse and English! (a big plus for us!)  Mike is also very fair and honest in his pricing and Russ and I have always felt that we received an excellent return for our money.  Dudesndivorce highly recommends SquarePeg Systems for any computer related issues you might be having – we have a link up but I’ll put it here as well . . .  http://squarepegsystems.com/  Just ask for the Web Dude!  ~:?)  (Thanks Mike!)

You’ll also notice a couple new conveniences we’ve added to the site.  At the very top of the this section (right below the header) you’ll find we’ve added a Google Search bar.  Thought that might be helpful if you read something here you’d like to get more information on or have a desire to look something up while checking out our site.  The results page will open up in a new window so you don’t have to stray too far from our site as you chase down a particular thought or side interest.  Hope you find it helpful.

We’ve also added “The Dudes Recommend” carousel at the top of the sidebar – this will change from time to time as Russ and I find new things to recommend to our readers.  We’ll try to keep a good mix on there of helpful books (a good one on there right now about helping your kids out after a divorce), movies and fun stuff (Man Cave Sign – checkitout! ~:?) There is also an Amazon Search Box right under that Carousel to help you out if you’re looking for something in particular to purchase from Amazon.

To be honest – yes – we make a little money off of these (“LITTLE” being the operative word here!  just a few pennys per purchase) our hope is just to recoup some of the costs associated with producing this site for everyone.  We understand that divorced men are usually living on a tight budget so we don’t want anyone to buy anything they don’t need or can’t afford.  But if there is something you plan on buying anyway it won’t cost you any more to go through our links to do so and it WILL help us cover some of the expenses here.   Also – if you’d prefer – there is a pay pal donate button in the sidebar now as well.  Again we know funds are tight for divorced men but if you enjoy this site and would like to send a dollar or two our way we sure would appreciate it.  We’re not looking to get rich – just cover some of our costs; Thanks for thinking of us.

In other news . . . SUPERBOWL is almost here!  Colts vs Saints!  Might be a real good game eh? 

I think I’ll plan on posting some recipes for SuperBowl snack food in the next day or two – food being one of the most important parts of a good Superbowl experience! 

Until then enjoy the new additions to our site and of course, as always,

Be Well

Bill

The second item just made me laugh and so I thought I’d throw it out there as well – it’s a personalized welcome mat for your “Man Cave”.  Sounds like something that suits us cavemen here at dudesndivorce eh?  Made me grin anyway.

Okay – that’s all – now back to your regularly scheduled post . . ..

2.  Your Ex-Wife’s attorney heaves a huge sigh of relief when they hear his name.

3.  Your attorney has to represent you from a remote location because the judge has filed a Restraining Order against him.

4.  Instead of an attache’ case he comes to court with his papers in a large plastic shopping bag.

5.  He asks you to make your check out to someone named “Guido”.

6.  He pouts whenever the judge won’t uphold his objections.

7.  He has to bum a ride to court.

8.  His law office is in the back room of a pool hall.

9.  He asks your ex-wife for a date. . . and she accepts!

10.  His idea of appropriate court attire is a t-shirt with a painted on tie.

Hope this was good for a few laughs gentlemen (and I hope none of them apply !! ~:?)

Be Well!

Bill

Well as you might have gathered from the title I’ve been reading William Bennett’s The Book of Virtues.  Some of you who visit here regularly know that I’ve been reading the Moral Compass (also by Mr. Bennett) and have found it to have great application for divorced men.  Basically The Book of Virtues is a similar work with similar applications but it’s focus is centered on 10 key virtues; these are: Self-Discipline, Compassion, Responsibility, Friendship, Work, Courage, Perseverance, Honesty, Loyalty and Faith.  Each of these ten virtues is given a chapter of it’s own which contains stories selected from the literary traditions of the world and which best exemplify each specific virtue.  The content is very diverse with stories from Native American, Oriental, Middle Eastern, African and European origins represented.  The selections also range from simple stories easily told to a child to pieces from Chaucer and Shakespeare amongst many others.  As with the Moral Compass this book is a wonderful resource for single father’s attempting to instill basic moral values in their children as well as an inspiration and reminder of the value of such principles for ourselves. 

Dealing with a divorce I’m sure you’ve learned, or are learning now, that it is a process that is an absolute trial by fire of your basic character.  your limits are sorely tested and you can be made to suffer for basic integrity and decency.  I can’t tell you how many divorced men that I talk to tell me about how they’ve been punished financially and emotionally for their efforts to do “the right thing”.   Stretch you finances to give your ex a couple hundred extra dollars to help the kids get something they need and next thing you know her attorney has you back in court and they’re increasing your child support or alimony!  Sometimes it can be easy to understand why some guys just disappear – or become  hateful and vengeful themselves.  The Book of Virtues is a great thing to have on hand in times like those as it helps us remember WHY it is important to hold the line internally and remain true to self.

As the philosopher said – “the unexamined life is not worth living” – and self-examination is a big part of rebuilding your life after a divorce (or in making the choice to pursue a divorce to begin with for some of us.).  While I’ve been divorced a number of years now I am still engaged in that process of self-study and understanding.  For me both of these books by William Bennett have been a very great help.  They reconnect me to the basics of my moral instruction and challenge me in how I am living up to those self-same virtues in my own life.

I highly recommend The Book of Virtues and The Moral Compass for any divorced man . . . sort of a must-have for the Divorced Dudes library!

Hope this has been helpful!  Until next time . . . Be Well!

Bill

Naturally they won’t last forever – a couple weeks in the freezer is about the max I try to aim at otherwise they get a bit freezer burnt.  And if you REALLY want to be a skin flint save the baggies that the veggies are in . . . wash ‘em out and dry them and they are good to go again.  Those holding meat tend to get too greasy to get clean enough but not so with the veggies or a salad if you decide on that.  Another good idea there by the way – make up a big salad and then divide into individual baggies!  The Tupperware angle is also good but they do tend to get lost and the initial cost is pretty high – but you be the judge.

Hope this helps!  If anyone has a recipe that works good for this kind of batch cooking I’d love to hear about it!

Until next time . . . Be Well!

Bill

So go have fun, take the kids to a fireworks display or spend some time w/ your buds eating and enjoying the holiday.   Have a burger for me and have a blast (no pun intended).  Just try not to end up in the ER for blowing off some appendage that you’ll be needing later on okay?

Be Well!

Bill

We’ll also be encouraging each of you to share practical, money saving, advice as well.  Nearly everyone has a trick or two up their sleeve for saving a buck here or there.  Just respond in the comments section with your tip or idea so that everyone else can benefit.  If you send in an especially good, original idea we may even contact you and ask you to elaborate a bit by doing a guest post for us.  The idea here men is to help each other out a bit as we face these tough times.  Even those of us who have been doing the post-divorce thing for a while appreciate the occasional tip in this area and I know there are a lot of men still very new to it or who are really struggling due to a lack of employment and/or large child support and alimony judgments.  For them every dime they can squeeze out of their income is of huge importance! If you’d like you can leave the comment directly or you can send us an e-mail at divorced-dudes@dudesndivorce.com 

Finally; we’ll work on getting one of these up about every week although we’re going to focus more on quality than on quantity so we may have two on some weeks and none on others.  A lot of that will depend on the amount of input we get from our readers.

I’m excited about this idea and I really believe it has the potential to help all of us make it through these tough economic times in much better shape.

Be well!

Bill

Bill and I got together this past weekend in the Omaha, Nebraska area and shared some good times, good food, laughs, and even a road trip!

We thought we’d share with you some of our thoughts on some of the culinary delights we experienced!

First off, Friday’s dinner entailed a stop at a little restaurant called The Korean Grill in Bellevue, Ne. Located at 1408 Harlan Drive in Bellevue, it is relatively easy to find. As a matter of fact two gentleman arrived shortly after we sat down with a map in hand exclaiming, “We found the place!” They had driven down from northern Iowa just to eat at The Korean Grill. Needless to say, I don’t think they were disappointed, we were not.

I had steamed rice with BBQ pork ribs (Korean style, naturally), chop jae (an almost translucent noodle dish made from sweet potato), cucumber kim chee, and a summer salad type dish (I am sorry, the name escapes me at the moment).

The ribs, you get 3, were excellent. Aside from good old American BBQ ribs, the cultures of Korea and China are next best at this food! The sauce was tangy with a hint of heat and the meat was tender. The chop jae also has chunks of meat and vegetable in it and has an incredibly mild yet satisfying taste to it. While I also enjoy the usual kim chee with its more “lavish” spices, I also enjoy the flavor of the cucumber kim chee. It is a much “cooler” dish, so goes well in contrast to a warm summer afternoon or evening. Has also did the summer salad type dish I had.

As always when I have visited The Korean Grill, the service is excellent. Both warm and friendly. Henim Stemson, who is co-owner and Head Chef (with her husband, Scott) also often serves her customers. She personally enjoys cooking for others and seeing people enjoy her food. You can almost taste it in the food and feel it in the atmosphere of this little restaurant. If your ever in the Bellevue, Ne. area I heartily recommend stopping in to The Korean Grill!

Sunday we chose to eat the The Texas Roadhouse. Since we were celebrating both Bill’s birthday and the recent improvements to dudesndivorce.com we splurged and each of us had the 16 oz. Rib-eye with a baked potato. I also chose green beans and washed it all down with a frozen Margarita.
After we chose our steaks from the display case, we were seated and were brought a basket of fresh baked rolls with a butter concoction that included cinnamon and a small bucket of peanuts in the shell. Customers are encouraged to toss the shells on the floor, giving the place that old fashioned roadhouse feel. But let us get to the real “meat” of the matter, the steaks. I have often been disappointed in restaurant steaks, even at so-called steak houses, but let me say that disappointment was dissipated at The Texas RoadHouse! My steak was cooked to perfection, medium rare, and was accompanied by one of the best baked potatoes I have ever had. Perfectly complimenting the meat. The steak needed no enhancements (steak sauce) whatsoever, it was perfect the way it was! The potato had been rubbed in spices that made the skin very tasty, and I like to eat the skin too.
Here also the service was great, attentive and friendly without being overwhelming. Our server, a pleasant young man, engaged in casual challenge with me regarding my ability to eat all of the enormous steak and potato. He, like many other challengers, found themselves on the losing end of that proposition!

More later. I know Bill would like to share his expertise regarding our stop at another local ethnic restaurant, Jim and Jennie’s Greek Village 3026 N. 90th St Omaha, Ne. so I will leave him room to do so.

Russ

 On Thursday we talked about how fear is probably the greatest hindrance to making needed changes and that the time immediately after a divorce constitutes a unique window of opportunity to reinvent yourself in many different areas of your life. So what do you do if you’ve moved well past that initial post-divorce phase and find yourself in need for some reinvention?

 First of all I think it’s good to approach this whole process as a project – something that can be broken up into concrete action steps aimed at achieving clearly defined goals.  This has the advantage of breaking the effort up into achievable steps instead of being faced with an overwhelming and monumental task.  Small victories and achievements tend to motivate you to continue working rather than giving up because the big, end goals seem so far away.

Second – before you start you’ll need to spend some time in good honest self-assessment.  What needs to change in your life? Work at getting a good overall picture in your mind of where you’d like to be eventually.  Make this achievable over all ok?  I mean I’d love to be worth a couple million, drive a Benz and vacation in the Virgin Islands . . . but I’d be happy if I could loose some weight, pay off my house and find the time to learn Greek.  Use the “Magic Wand” trick – ask yourself “If I had a magic wand what basic changes would I make in my life.”  The answers might give you some ideas about things to add to the list.  As you are working on this try to be aware of topics that you are avoiding or shying away from.  Is a fear of change possibly influencing you?  Fixing a relationship or starting a new career is tough stuff but remember that in such areas the decision to avoid change now can lead to the NEED to change later.  As I mentioned in the last post – the greatest motivation for change is pain – that can serve as a warning to the wise.

Third – organize the list from your self-assessment according to priority.  You might want to consider putting learning how to dance lower on the list than strengthening your relationship with your children . . . just a thought.

 Fourth – so you have your list of what you want to change and it’s in order of priority.  Next step is to create concrete goals – for example “within six months I’m going to be eating healthier and will have lost 20 pounds.”  Or “within six months my son and I will be having fewer arguments and will be making progress on our communication”.  You’ll notice that I kept the relationship stuff process oriented rather than setting an absolute goal; relationships involve two people and are very much a work in progress therefore it’s best to reflect that in your goal.  Second you’ll see that I set a specific time limit on the goal.  It doesn’t have to be six months of course – it’s up to you and what you feel is reasonable.  But a time element acts to help you measure your progress and as each one is reached set a new goal to keep you moving in the right direction.

 Fifth – decide what steps you are going to take to meet your goals.  “I will reduce the number of times I go out to eat per week by half”  or “I’ll stop eating snacks after 7 each night” or “I’ll read a book on father/son relationships”  These are specific tasks that can be completed and will set you on the path to achieving your goal.  Each time you complete one – add another so that you maintain your progress.

 Sixth – reward yourself for even small achievements.  When you loose that 20 pounds do something fun as a celebration!  Also make the whole process fun . . . no one can stay invested in pulling teeth for long.  Set little challenges or goals, make a bet against yourself or someone else, find ways to enjoy not just the achievement but the process as well.  Also – if you are a chart person don’t forget to chart your positives!  If you keep track of your failures you will focus on those and where you focus your attention there you are.  So focus on your successes – if you keep track of every time you DIDN’T eat out you become impressed with how many times you had the will power to resist temptation.

 Finally – while most of the steps above are pretty standard self improvement stuff remember that the big picture ties back to renewing yourself, recovering from the damage done by the past and reinventing who you are.  It’s not a static one-time-only event to fix some especially serious problem but instead is a process within a process – the larger process of building a habit of continual self renewal.  Remember the analogy of the puzzle or the Formula of Self? (last Saturday’s post)  The idea that a bad “piece” taints the puzzle or a negative “variable” taints the formula applies in reverse as well . . . a particularly good piece or variable can improve the overall end product. 

 Hope this was helpful; I’m going to try to have a review of a good self-help book regarding these same issues up soon as a further help to each of you who would like to take this process forward in your own life.

 Until then – Be Well!!

 Bill

Hello gentlemen!  Hope this post finds you in good health and spirits. 

I thought that maybe this time around I’d like to try something a bit different.  I was looking at our stats last night and noticed that we have a LOT of men visiting the site from countries all over the world.  While the largest percentage is from the U.S. we have a good number of you visiting the site from all over Europe, the Middle East, Africa . . . basically everywhere!  So it occured to me that a very large percentage of you currently reading this post are facing factors unknown or rare to those of us living in the continental United States.  Undoubtedly the laws and customs are different where you are and so are the challenges you face as a divorced (or divorcing) man.  Come to think of it even those of us who live here in the states will have different challenges presented by the differences in state laws and your local community norms.

So I was thinking that it might be very informative and helpful for all of us if everyone were to send in a comment on challenges you face in your local, unique, situation.  Just a line or two really would be fine and you might also include some things that you feel work very well in your local situation.  If we get a good response on this I’ll pull these comments together and combine them into a post or series of posts (maybe organized by common themes or issues).  I feel that not only could this be VERY interesting for all of us but it might also inspire some creative thinking on solutions to problems we face as divorced men.

So, please everyone – go to the comments section at the bottom of this post and write up a brief synopsis of the challenges you face because of your local laws and customs.  It really is easy to leave a comment on our site (you don’t have to register or provide a ton of personal information). 

Thanks for doing so and . . . be well!

Bill