This morning I woke up thinking about parasites, yeah, what a cheerful thought, huh? But I wasn’t thinking about your everyday parasites like leaches and ticks (well, not necessarily I suppose) rather those kind of people whether they are individuals or groups that have a tendency to attach themselves to others when their “chips are down”. At first they may present themselves as being concerned for you and your welfare or even some other mutual good cause but in the end you find they are just looking out for themselves. Naturally as you go through a divorce and for a time thereafter you are vulnerable to these types of people. You may or may not be approached by them and you may or may not succumb to their deceptions.

I think my point here is two fold; One to remind you that those people are out there and; Two to also remind you that even if you do succumb to their deceptions for awhile, don’t be too hard on yourself. Ok, you made a mistake, sure. But they hunted you down with skill and precision like a big game hunter hunting prey. They found you when you were most likely to be deceived and they  proceeded to do so to you. as I’ve been told on so many other matters, “You’ve got to learn to forgive yourself.” I think that is good advice. And may be a good place to start if you find yourself in this type of situation.

See ya later,

Russ

Hello dudesndicorce.com readers!

I recently found this article on the web and thought some of you might find this of interest. While the headline wants the reader to think the study promises actual answers, all it really does is compile data. But some interesting correlations can be made.

See ya later,

Russ

SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) – Living happily ever after needn’t only be for fairy tales. Australian researchers have identified what it takes to keep a couple together, and it’s a lot more than just being in love.

A couple’s age, previous relationships and even whether they smoke or not are factors that influence whether their marriage is going to last, according to a study by researchers from the Australian National University.

The study, entitled “What’s Love Got to Do With It,” tracked nearly 2,500 couples — married or living together — from 2001 to 2007 to identify factors associated with those who remained together compared with those who divorced or separated.

It found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.

Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship, with one-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage — either from a previous relationship or in the same relationship — having separated compared to just nine percent of couples without children born before marriage.

Women who want children much more than their partners are also more likely to get a divorce.

A couple’s parents also have a role to play in their own relationship, with the study showing some 16 percent of men and women whose parents ever separated or divorced experienced marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.

Also, partners who are on their second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses who are both in their first marriage.

Not surprisingly, money also plays a role, with up to 16 percent of respondents who indicated they were poor or where the husband — not the wife — was unemployed saying they had separated, compared with only nine percent of couples with healthy finances.

And couples where one partner, and not the other, smokes are also more likely to have a relationship that ends in failure.

Factors found to not significantly affect separation risk included the number and age of children born to a married couple, the wife’s employment status and the number of years the couple had been employed.

The study was jointly written by Dr Rebecca Kippen and Professor Bruce Chapman from The Australian National University, and Dr Peng Yu from the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs.

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.

Don’t sweat the small stuff! See ya later,
Russ

]]> http://dudesndivorce.com/2009/06/29/a-quote-from-a-really-smart-guy/feed/ 0 http://dudesndivorce.com/2009/06/12/more-friday-musings/ http://dudesndivorce.com/2009/06/12/more-friday-musings/#comments Fri, 12 Jun 2009 18:23:05 +0000 russ http://dudesndivorce.com/?p=784 Hello dudesndivorce.com compatriots!

Well here it is Friday again and I once again sit here musing. Is it because it’s Friday or because my blood sugar is low? It can’t be because I’m  just staring at my navel. I haven’t seen that in years!

But I digress…

Have you ever noticed many relationships seem to devolve into some sort of competition? It becomes some sort of whacked out reality game show, “Man Vs. Wife” or “Boyfriend Vs. Girlfriend”. How does that happen? Why does that happen?

Maybe it’s just me but it seems that the “goal” of a relationship isn’t to “win”, to achieve some sort of personal victory over someone else but rather to get to know some one else, to share life with each other (the good and the bad), and to let them know you. Not to “win” every argument or have your way in each and every issue. Or to keep some sort of mental (or emotional) scoreboard tallying up points for each other’s “wins” in hopes of coming up with a “final” score and “winning”.

I’ll be absolutely honest, I simply do not understand this thinking or approach to relationships. What benefit has anyone ever gotten through this method? Has it EVER succeeded? I suppose we should define succeed here! By succeed I mean creating and or building and maintaining a mutually satisfying relationship for both parties.

I have noticed that those men that practice the “gotta win” philosophy in relationships usually don’t have very good ones. They are usually very shallow and often short and are typified by frequent arguments. Wow! That sounds just fantastic…

As I have often heard. “How’s that working out for ya?”

Russ

I hope you have noticed a significant improvement in our blog! We certainly like it and hope you do too. Bill and I would like to thank Mike Hostetler of http://squarepegsystems.com/ ,who sat down with us for a couple of hours over a laptop and some good conversation and worked out some of these details with us. Thanks Mike! 

See ya later,

Russ

 Russ, the klutz!

Just a thought,

Russ

After reading Bill’s first post in his next series I have a feeling it will be a great one. Please come back and check the blog to keep up on his excellant writing. I feel Bill is able to offer great insights and is a gifted writer so is able to effectively communicate his ideas to you, our readers.

Russ

Just a few short housekeeping points today

First; you may or may not have noticed the paypal “Donate” button in the upper right of the page – just placed that there to give those of you who would like to support our work here a chance to do so.  No pressure though – if we never make a dime from this Russ and I will continue to do so.  Of course if there are any multi-billionaires out there who’d like to pitch in with a few million I can assure you that Russ and I will be VERY appreciative and will name stuff after you!! LOL!

Second point is just to encourage everyone out there who is reading this to respond with a comment on my last post “Input”.  I really feel like if we all do a small piece and share the challenges and successes of our local situation that we might build a great resource for ourselves here.  I went ahead and got us started with a brief piece of my own.   If you would rather not leave a comment feel free to drop us a line at divorced-dudes@dudesndivorce.com  we’ll not share anything that you ask us to keep private.

Finally; Russ and I continue to plan and discuss ways to expand this site and make it an ever more valuable resource for all the divorced “dudes” out there.  We are always interested in hearing feedback and suggestions on how we can do that.   And please, if you like the site – don’t keep it to yourself!  Tell your friends and co-workers!  The more men we can make aware of this the better.

Thanks for listening and for visiting dudesndivorce . . . we now return you to your regularly scheduled blog . . ..

(be well!!)

Bill

1 – You’ll never have to purchase “Feminine Hygiene” products on the way home ever again.

2 – You can actually USE all of the towels in your bathroom!

3 – You no longer care WHAT time of the month it is!!

4 – You are eternally free from ever having to lie to someone about how fat they look in something.

5 – No more mother-in-law!

6 – In a related vein . . . no more father-in-law telling you how to run things in your own house!

7 – “Do I actually plan on eating that?” . . .yes!

8 – No more “honeydo” lists eating up your whole weekend.

9 – You can look!

And finally . . . .

10 – If you want you can spend an entire Saturday in your easy chair, watching sports and eating junk food dressed only in your boxers! (ahhh the good life!).

Hope that was worth at least a chuckle or two, feel free to chime in with one or two of your own!  Always glad to hear from you.

Till next time . . . Be Well

Bill