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Hello dudesndivorce.com readers! It’s been awhile since I have contributed a recipe to our blog but I recently found one that I thoroughly enjoyed and thought I would share it with you also. As before it is a great crock pot recipe, Kielbasa Soup!

INGREDIENTS:

16 oz pkg. of frozen mixed vegetables or your choice of vegetables

6 oz can of tomato paste

16 oz can of stewed tomatoes

1 medium onion, chopped

3 medium potatoes, diced

1.5 lbs kielbasa, cut into 1/4 inch peices

1 green pepper, diced

Oil or grease your crock pot then combine all your ingredients together into the pot. Add a little water for the soup, I added about 4 cups. And spices to taste, I added ground pepper, garlic seasoning, and Lawry’s seasoning salt. Turn the crock pot on low for 12 hours (don’t forget to close the lid!) and later you’ll be enjoying a simple and hearty meal! Easy clean up too. Afterwards I only had to wash my cutting board, a knife, and the spoon I used to stir it all together! Ya gotta like that!

Enjoy! See ya latter,

Russ

Hello dudesndivorce.com readers!

While I enjoy many types of movies I do reserve a special place in my heart for a well done animated story and that is what we certainly have here in “A Bug’s Life” from Pixar and Disney. Released in 1998 it was one of the early ventures into computer animated movies and, while the animation does stand out, what makes this movie timeless is the same thing that makes any movie timeless—a really good story.

The story centers around a community of ants who are under the “thumb”, as it were, of a group of thug-like grasshoppers who provide them “protection” from supposed threats much like the mafia provides protection to businesses for a price. The grasshoppers price? An annual contribution from the harvest. Naturally this can only occur as long as the ants believe they need the grasshoppers so-called services. This environment is maintained by two factors; 1) the ants live on an island and are afraid to venture beyond it so they do not come into contact with others and 2) the grasshoppers, particularly their leader Hopper constantly tell the ants how weak and unimportant they are and that it is only “natural” for them to serve the grasshoppers. Despite the fact that the ants outnumber the grasshoppers by a factor so large it would knock your socks off and the fact that the ants are the only ones willing to do ANY work (the grasshoppers are classic bullies and spend all the time they aren’t shaking down victims by eating, drinking, and carousing!).

Into this distorted situation steps our unappreciated hero, Flik. Flik is the anti ant. Unlike the rest of the ant community he lives in, Flik is non traditional, willing to think and act outside the box, he is an innovator, an inventor. And in the classic movie tradition, a bumbling, fumbling, yet kind hearted with the best of intentions inventor. So, naturally despite his best intentions he completely destroys the annual offering to the grasshoppers and brings down punishment on the ant community and enmity on himself in the process! In an effort to redeem himself he concocts a plan to leave the island (What? Leave the island? No one leaves the island!)  and find some mercenaries to fight and finally once and for all extinguish the grasshopper threat. The rest of the ant community is more than willing to let him go just to get him out of their way!

So off Flik goes into the wild wild world! Eventually he wanders into the “city”. Where he meets up with a those that will help him in his quest, a band of recently unemployed circus performers. Yeah, not just any circus performers they are bad ones. Probably why they’re unemployed, right? Yep! A perfect choice to take on a group of mean spirited, tough, rugged thugs? Yeah, sure, why not? You’ve got your fat effeminate caterpillar who thinks of nothing but his next meal, you’ve got your twin gymnastic pill bugs that don’t understand a word anybody else says to them, a stick bug that is always worrying about his next “role”, a male ladybug with gender and anger control issues, and a has been magician that never was! Not to mention the co-dependent spider. A perfect team to take on the mafia like grasshoppers! Nonetheless through a great deal of miscommunication and false assumptions that is the situation we have. Naturally when all comes to light plans, ideas, and faiths are shattered.

But this is where the story gets good (especially for us divorced guys) the characters realize they really have no other choice, turning back is not an option any longer. They, despite their fears and doubts, must believe in themselves, in each other, and in their plans. There is no going back now. They must move forward.

Isn’t that so true with our situation as divorce men and as divorced families? The divorce has happened, we can’t change that. If we have children our families have been broken up, you can not deny that. But it is not the end. We need to have faith in our selves that we can come through this, but that is hard to do sometimes. It helps to have others around you, it helps if your family can understand they also need to pull together to help themselves both as individuals and as a family come through this very difficult period of their lives. I think this movie illustrates this principle well.

It is a heart warming movie with a lot of humor for all ages. The animation is first class. The characterization and voice acting is superb. I think it is one of the best, if not THE best of the computer animated movies I have seen (with the possible exceptions of “The Incredibles” and “Kung Fu Panda”). Don’t wait for the kids to be around to watch this, pop it in the DVD player and watch it yourself. Go ahead, I won’t tell anybody. You never know, you just might find yourself enjoying it too!

See ya later,

Russ

Hello dudesndivorce.com readers! I hope you found someway to enjoy the Christmas holiday. To be honest, due to weather and road conditions, mine did not go as planned and I ended up spending a considerable amount of the holiday alone, yet, I felt blessed nonetheless. Due to several family and friends taking time out of their special day to reach out and call me and spend time with me on the phone. I sincerely appreciate their thoughts and efforts. As a fellow divorced dude, I hope you had a good Christmas too.

Now on to my recent review!!!

“The Bishop’s Wife” is a 1947 Christmas movie that is a real classic. David Niven plays the Bishop Brougham who has climbed up the “ranks” in his local community and wants to build a large cathedral. So much so, that this has become his sole focus, to the detriment of his family and marriage and friendships. Loretta Young plays is suffering wife who longs for a simpler time, a time when she and her husband had time for each other and their daughter and their friends and to be able to do real positive things for the people in their community. Rather now, they spend their days and evenings trying to raise funds to build this colossal cathedral. It has become a burden not only on them but on everyone they come into contact. Alas!

Along comes Cary Grant, he plays Dudley an angel, sent to answer their prayers and give them assistance. He reveals that he is an angel, initially, only to the Bishop, who despite his faith does not believe Dudley. Yet Dudley persists. Honestly, I don’t want to give too much of this movie away, let me just say that Dudley answers prayers in a “mysterious way”.

I did thoroughly enjoy two aspects of this movie I do want to share with you in some detail though. One, is another character in the movie, Professor Wutheridge, played wonderfully by Monty Woolley. This actor has a wonderful voice and comes across the screen perfectly as the affable professor. Secondly, is the message of the movie which really resounds at this time of year, and that is that people are really what is important. The Bishop is so focused on dollars and cents and pinching money from “the really important and influential people” of the community he no longer sees people for who they really are. Unfortunately, this includes his own wife and daughter.  It is almost physically painful to see this in the movie and I suppose that should be chalked up to Niven’s performance as the Bishop. Despite this, do not fret, you won’t feel as if you’ve been beat over the head or preached at, the director, Henry Koster, does a masterful job of mixing in comedy and light hearted moments to leave you feeling warm hearted, rejuvenated, and full of Christmas spirit for your fellow man by the end of the movie.

I know this time of year can be busy and rather hectic. And some may say, “Christmas Day is over I’m finished with all that!”, but I suggest take sometime and sit down and watch this holiday classic if you can. You just might find yourself better for it.

Happy Holidays!!!

Russ

Hello dudesndivorce.com readers!

As we approach Thanksgiving we may notice a tradition here in the USA of the President issuing an annual traditional Presidential Pardon to a turkey for the Thanksgiving Holiday.

This just makes me think, have we done something similar? Have we taken the time to issue our own Presidential Pardon? First, what is a pardon exactly? Merriam Webster defines a pardon as; the excusing of an offense without exacting a penalty or a release from the legal penalties of an offense or an official warrant of remission of penalty. Essentially it is an act of forgiveness. An act, that is a verb, that means you DO something. Not just think about it, not just think about doing something. But actually DO something, in this case forgive, in this case pardon.

What do we have to pardon? Do we have to pardon a turkey like the President? Perhaps not, but each of us as divorced (or potentially divorced) men have been through a painful period in our lives. We may feel we have been wronged by our ex, by the courts, by lawyers, by family members or friends.

Carrying this “wrong” in our hearts is like carrying a weight with you everywhere everyday. It wears you down and exhausts you, it drains your energy away from the things you could be doing, things you would rather be doing or perhaps should be doing. And, perhaps most of all, it does no harm to the person(s) to whom you hold this “wrong” against, it only harms you!

Issue a pardon, forgive them of this slight, this wrong. Let it go. Free yourself of this bitterness and anger.

And move on to bigger and better things.

Then you can truly give thanks for all your many blessings.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Russ

Hello dudesndivorce.com readers!

I recently watched another Jimmy Stewart great! I must be honest I am a huge Jimmy Stewart fan, I have yet to watch anything he has done that I did not enjoy. And this collaboration with Grace Kelly and directed by none other than Alfred Hitchcock is no exception.

If you have not endeared yourself to the art and suspense of a Hitchcock film, this one is a good place to start. Mr. Hitchcock artfully and subtly gets you so  involved in the story that soon you are DIEING to know just how it will turn out! You find yourself caught up in the mystery along with the main characters as if you were a part of the story itself. Breathlessly awaiting the next clue or finding yourself sitting on the edge or your seat, hands clenched tight, as they put themselves in a dangerous predicament. Such is the art of Alfred Hitchcock.

Let me lay out the general scenario of the movie for you. Stewart plays L.B. Jeffires a professional photographer who is currently stuck in his apartment recuperating from a serious on the job injury that placed his leg in a cast from his toes to above his waist. So he sits at home all day with nothing to do but watch his neighbors in their New York City apartment complex, wishing he could get out of his cast and back to work! Thelma Ritter plays his sharp tongued health care worker, Stella, who comes to his apartment daily. Despite her cynicism and old world advice she gets caught up in L.B.’s schemes. Grace Kelly plays  Lisa Fremont, L.B.’s high society girlfriend, who is very much in love with him.  (The movie never explains how these two obvious opposites meet.)

Over the weeks of watching his neighbors L.B. really gets to know their patterns, habits, and to a certain extent, their personalities too. He watches “Miss Lonely Hearts” each night come home and play out her dream of sharing her evenings with her “Mr. Charming”, that doesn’t exist. He watches the aspiring composer struggle daily at his piano to find his “one great piece”. And he watches a couple of newlyweds move in, pull down their shades to rarely be seen again! But most of all he sees a salesman, Lars Thorwald, (played by Raymond Burr) come home each night after a long hard day of work to a invalid and apparently unappreciative wife! L.B.’s suspicions are raised when one dark and rainy night he hears a scream from somewhere and later, in the middle of the night, notices Mr. Thorwald leaving his apartment several times with a large suitcase! From that point on the blinds are closed in the Thorwald aapartment and Mrs. Thorwald is not seen again. L.B. begins to monitor  the apartment closely and sees Thorwald cleaning the suitcase with minute detail and wrapping up a saw and a large knife. He watches Thorwald pack up all of Mrs. Thorwald’s possessions and ship them out! L.B. can’t stand it! He tells Lisa and Stella and even calls and old friend who is a detective on the police force, Doyle (played by Wendell Corey). While Lisa and Stella eventually begin to be wrapped up in L.B.’s ideas, Doyle remains doubtful and reticent.

Eventually the trio of L.B., Lisa, and Stella feel they need to take things into their own hands! Here is where Thorwald discovers he is being watched! All their efforts to ferret out the mystery while remaining hidden have come to naught, they have been found out!  One of the tensest scense in movie history follows as L.B., alone and helpless in his wheelchair, is left in the dark  listening to the approaching footsteps of Thorwald, sure that Thorwald will kill him when he arrives.

This movie is a work of art. Hitchcock went to great lengths to make this movie, to the point of building what was at that time the largest sound stage in Hollywood to recreate the entire apartment complex in which the story took place. The set was so detailed that each apartment actually had electricity and running water. In fact Georgine Darcy, who plays Miss Torso, another apartment resident virtually lived in her partment during the filming, staying there between takes. Hitchcock also had the actors wear flesh colored ear piece radios so he could direct them without them having to leave their “apartment”.

Some lines from the movies:

Jeff: She wants me to marry her.
Stella: That’s normal.
Jeff: I don’t want to.
Stella: That’s abnormal.

Jeff: Why would a man leave his apartment three times on a rainy night with a suitcase and come back three times?
Lisa: He likes the way his wife welcomes him home.

Stella: Intelligence. Nothing has caused the human race so much trouble as intelligence.

Lisa: What’s he doing? Cleaning house?
Jeff: He’s washing and scrubbing down the bathroom walls.
Stella: Must’ve splattered a lot.
[both Jeff and Lisa look at Stella with disgust]
Stella: Come on, that’s what were all thinkin’. He killed her in there, now he has to clean up those stains before he leaves.
Lisa: Stella… your choice of words!
Stella: Nobody ever invented a polite word for a killin’ yet.

Hello dudesndivorce.com readers!

I know this post’s heading is somewhat late considering Halloween is past us already (sorry, I’ve been swamped lately) but nevertheless the day caused me to think regarding our mutual topic.

Zombie

Zombie movies have experienced a resurgence in popularity recently and it got me to thinking (don’t you just hate when that happens?) how so many men (I could say people in general but our focus is on you guys) become zombies in their marriages.

For whatever the reason, perhaps due to stress or difficulties in the marriage or with the children or on the job or with finances (the “reasons” could be endless, it really doesn’t matter) many of us elect to retreat from our wives and children. Oh, it may start small and seemingly innocuous, “I’m just going down to the bar to have a beer with my friends.” or “I really need to do some work in the garage.” to “I’m going over to Al’s to watch the game.” But they grow or repeat until we end up spending more and more time doing these activities then we do spending time with our wife and children.

It is so EASY to retreat from a difficult situation. And it is often easy to deceive yourself about your real motivations about what your doing, “I’m not running away from the problem, I’m just going to work on the car. It really needs a windshield washer fluid changed right now.” Or “Hey, it’s not going anywhere. So what if I spend the weekend with my pals tailgating and no time at home?”

DON’T!!! JUST DON’T!!! DON’T RETREAT, MAKE YOURSELF ENGAGE WITH YOUR WIFE AND WITH YOUR FAMILY!!! Spend time building those relationships and those memories. When the end of life comes near few of us will fondly look back and remember all the carburetors we fixed or games we watched but, hopefully, we will be able to look back and happily remember the times we had with those we hold dear because we chose not to retreat to the garage or the bathroom or our buddies house.

Just a thought,

Russ

Hello dudesdivorce.com readers, looking for a great movie you can set down with any member of your family and enjoy this Halloween? Then let me suggest this classic from 1944, “Arsenic and Old Lace” starring one of my personal favorites, Cary Grant, Peter Lorre, Raymond Massey, Edward Everett Horton and Josephine Hull (read my review of “Harvey” , http://dudesndivorce.com/2009/09/28/well-for-years-i-was-smart-i-recommend-pleasant-elwood-p-dowd-harvey/).

This is a madcap comedy with emphasis on the mad! Grant plays Mortimer Brewster a famous New York bachelor that has made a name for himself writing newspaper columns and books AGAINST marriage! Nevertheless the movie starts with Mortimer caving in to his marrying nature and bringing his new bride back to the home where he was raised by his two kind loving aunts, played by Hull and Jean Adair. Mortimer is having a great day and thoroughly enjoying his new status as a husband when he suddenly and mistakenly discovers the body of a dead man in the window seat of his aunt’s home! When he tells Aunt Abby (Hull) about it she calmly replies, “Oh don’t worry about him, dear, that just Mr. Hotchkiss!”

To Mortimer’s surprise his lovely old aunts have been “doing away” with old lonely mean for years, in fact the total is now up to 12! They consider it their ministry, helping old lonely men end their lives in peace. Just a nice sip of elderberry wine laced with arsenic and a mix of some other poisons and their out like a light! Mortimer is horrified! Why what do you do with bodies, he asks them? Well, they have his cousin Teddy bury them in the cellar. You see that’s not so hard to do because cousin Teddy thinks he is President Theodore Roosevelt and the cellar is the Panama Canal! Naturally all those poor yellow fever victims  have to be buried somewhere, why not just bury them in one of those “locks’?

Mortimer can’t bear to see his sweet old aunts go to prison for 12 murders so he concocts a plan to hang all this on Teddy and get him committed to an insane asylum. Of course his bride, and the taxi cab driver!,  are still waiting to leave for the train station to whisk them away on their honeymoon to Niagara Falls! As if you didn’t think Mortimer didn’t has enough on his plate for one day in walks his long lost brother, Jonathan Brewster (played by Massey) with his sidekick Dr. Einstein (played by Lorre). Let me just say Jonathan Brewster was not a good little boy and he has gotten worse as he grew up! Now he’s a murderer on the run and Einstein is a plastic surgeon who likes to hit the bottle too much. Not a good thing for a plastic surgeon (probably any surgeon!). In fact, his last attempt at masking Jonathan’s looks left him looking like Boris Karlof (who played the role on stage, a point they continue to play off of for laughs throughout the movie).

So now you’ve got a house full of 13 dead bodies (Jonathan brought one of his own), two old ladies who like to knock off old lonely men, a man that thinks he is the President of the United States and is building the Panama Canal in the cellar, a certified serial killer on the run from the law with an alcoholic plastic surgeon in tow! Oh, I forgot to mention the new cop on this beat thinks he is a playwright and wants Brewster to read his play. And let us not forget Brewster’s  new bride and the taxi driver still waiting outside!  All this adds up to MADNESS!!! And lots of laughs for you.

Why is this a Halloween movie? It all takes place on October 31st!

Some interesting tidbits concerning “Arsenic and Old Lace”:

Cary Grant donated his entire salary from the movie to U.S. War Relief Fund.

Grant’s role was first offered to Ronald Reagan and Jack Benny, who both turned it down. It was then offered to Bob Hope but he was under contract to Paramount Pictures and they refused to allow him to work for Warner Bros. to make the movie.

On stage, Boris Karloff played the monstrous Jonathan Brewster, Raymond Massey’s film character, who, in eerie-looking screen makeup, resembled Karloff, which was a running gag throughout the picture. Because Karloff was still appearing in the Broadway play during the film’s production, he was unable to do the picture.

When Mortimer is sitting in the graveyard, one of the tombstones has the name Archie Leach on it. Archie Leach is Cary Grant’s real name.

Also some of you may remember ( I certainly do!) Edward Everett Horton as one of the voices/narrators on the cartoons “Fractured Fairy Tales” and “The Adventures of Bullwinkle and Rocky” as well as “Rocky and Friends”.

Great quotes from the movie:

Elaine Harper: But Mortimer, you’re going to love me for my mind, too.
Mortimer Brewster: One thing at a time!

Reverend Harper: Have you ever tried to persuade him that he wasn’t Teddy Roosevelt?

Abby Brewster: Oh, no.
Martha Brewster: Oh, he’s so happy being Teddy Roosevelt.
Abby Brewster: Oh… Do you remember, Martha, once, a long time ago, we thought if he’d be George Washington, it might be a change for him, and we suggested it.
Martha Brewster: And do you know what happened? He just stayed under his bed for days and wouldn’t be anybody.

Mortimer Brewster: Look I probably should have told you this before but you see… well… insanity runs in my family… It practically gallops.

[discussing the body count]
Dr. Einstein: You got twelve, they got twelve.
[angrily grabs Dr. Einstein's necktie]
Jonathan Brewster: I’ve got thirteen!
Dr. Einstein: No, Johnny, twelve – don’t brag.
Jonathan Brewster: Thirteen! There’s Mr. Spinalzo and the first one in London, two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in Melbourne, two in San Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona…
Dr. Einstein: Phoenix?
Jonathan Brewster: The filling station…
Dr. Einstein: Filling station? Oh!
[slits throat]
Dr. Einstein: Yes.
Jonathan Brewster: Then three in Chicago and one in South Bend. That makes thirteen.
Dr. Einstein: You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia!
Jonathan Brewster: He wouldn’t have died of pneumonia if I hadn’t shot him!
Dr. Einstein: No, no, Johnny. You cannot count him. You got twelve, they got twelve. The old ladies is just as good as you are!

I hope you enjoy this one as much as I do! Just don’t get any ideas!

Russ