I had to think about the question for a little bit; parenting is NEVER easy and is ALWAYS a challenge.  But is it MORE difficult being a single parent? – and more to the point – as a single DAD?  I think our society still has some ingrained assumptions that women somehow automatically make better parents.  Not sure why that is but it’s a fairly standard assumption that most people make.   I’ve talked in earlier posts that even men believe some of those Myths and often don’t even try to gain custody of their children because of them.  From talking to guys over the years it seems like a fair number really doubt their ability to parent their children alone.  Almost like they are actors who’ve made a career out of playing supporting roles and are afraid to take a lead.

So how difficult IS it?  I guess I see it like this.  It is easily the hardest thing you will ever do.  It will take all your energy, smarts, strength and skill and you will still flub it up BIG TIME on occasion.  It is also simply the easiest thing you will ever do!  You’ll find yourself “just parenting” sometimes almost like there is a little automatic pilot in your head that knows just what to do.

Single parenting – like any parenting – requires you to give your all to your children.  To put your needs second to their needs and strive constantly to become a better person within yourself so that you can be a better parent, teacher and role model to them. And it involves just being your own, genuine, self.  Boy is that last piece important!  Kids have a superhuman power to scope out a fake front from a million miles away – try to be something you aren’t with them and they’ll pick up on it quickly and withdraw.  I think this trips up some single dads because they are trying so hard to be parent’s like their Mom or ex-wife.  They don’t think a MAN version of single parenting is as good as what the women do. (see the bit above about social assumptions and myths).  What I finally figured out as a single parent was that it was okay to be a single DAD and not just a man trying to act like a single MOM!  For example – most men aren’t as apt to get into in-depth discussions with their kids about their feelings over some social situation . . . but we DO tend to talk about how Actions and Character matter!   We tend to emphasize building competency over building relationships and sharing experiences over sharing emotions.  Different from a mother’s approach but every bit as valid!   Of course ideally a child should have both influences in their lives, supplied by two healthy parents in a healthy relationship.  But if that is not to be then don’t assume that the woman’s approach is somehow innately superior to that of the man’s. 

I know it’s a long way around the mountain but this finally brings us back to the question – is it difficult being a single parent?  and the answer is yes because all parenting is difficult.  And it can be MUCH harder being a single dad IF you are trying to be a single dad pretending to be a single mom.  But if you relax and parent as yourself, as a single DAD.  Then it is very much a do-able thing and more rewarding than anything else you will set you hand to do in this life.

I hope this is of help.

Until next time

Be Well!

Bill