dudesndivorce.com

As I discussed on Thursday, many men believe the myth about other divorced guys that says, in essence, that they aren’t bothered by the divorce all that much, that a man gets over a divorce pretty quickly and is probably kinda glad of the fact.  You’ll recall that I talked some about how this just isn’t true and that men can and do hurt from divorce; sometimes very deeply.

This this leads us to our second myth which is that divorced men and is associated with the first one.  Simply put it is that men really don’t need close friends to confide in or a support network to lean on.  Somehow we get this idea that we’re supposed to get through things under our own power and that leaning on someone or depending upon the support of another somehow shows weakness.

Probably for the last thirty years people have been pointing out that this just isn’t true – but spend an hour amongst most men (outside of a university or media outlet) and you’ll find that there is still a deep seated reluctance to open up and share or to ask for support or even advice. 

Truth is that men DO need that support but they aren’t like women (big surprise eh!?!) – on average they don’t have a need or a desire to constantly share the inner workings of their soul every time they get together with a couple casual friends.  But they DO have a need for a good friend who they can let down the walls some with and really get real with.  As many of you who’ve read this blog for long are aware Russ and I have been good friends for over thirty years.  And we can and do talk about some serious personal issues with each other.  It’s been quite a help over the years let me tell you!  Just having that other guy to talk to who understands things from a healthy male perspective can be a life saver.

If you are going through a divorce you are going to need someone like that to talk to; it may start out with a counselor or a preacher or a lay leader in your church; it might be a fishing buddy or a neighbor or a co-worker.  Of course you can’t walk up to a near stranger and start unloading the depths of your soul – it has to develop into that.  But the first step is to rid yourself of the myth that men don’t “need” others and that they go it alone.   Because, quite simply, they don’t!

My next post will be on Tuesday when we’ll look at Myth number III

Be Well

Bill

Get yourself something to drink, find a comfortable chair and join in!  We’re a pretty informal bunch around here so relax and feel free to jump right on in.  As you might have gathered from the title this is an on-going discussion amongst guys about divorce.  Doesn’t matter if you’ve been through it, are going through it or you’re thinking it may come to that in your marriage; everyone’s input is welcome.  Russ and I  put this together because it’s a road we’ve been down and are STILL going down ourselves and know that’s it’s nice sometimes to kick this stuff around with other guys.  This isn’t about us dispensing advice (believe me, the worlds not ready for THAT yet!) but we might occasionally share what we’ve picked up from our own experiences.  Our hope is that everyone else at the table does the same; this is the place to talk about what you’ve gone through, vent your frustrations and run your thoughts or plans by others who may have been through something similar.  

The best way to envision this site is as a local gathering place where guys can relax and just speak their mind openly and honestly without worrying if someone is going to try to psychoanalyze, criticize or attack us.  

Russ and I will generally start off with a discussion between us on a topic and then as others join in it will expand into a general conversation that will be allowed to evolve as it will.  The only limits will be on inappropriate content or comments that are insulting or rude towards others; we want to maintain a relaxed and friendly atmosphere.

Well I’ve probably talked more than enough for now; Russ will follow soon with his own post and anyone else out there who’d like to add something feel free to do so.

Bill