Welcome
Get yourself something to drink, find a comfortable chair and join in! We’re a pretty informal bunch around here so relax and feel free to jump right on in. As you might have gathered from the title this is an on-going discussion amongst guys about divorce. Doesn’t matter if you’ve been through it, are going through it or you’re thinking it may come to that in your marriage; everyone’s input is welcome. Russ and I put this together because it’s a road we’ve been down and are STILL going down ourselves and know that’s it’s nice sometimes to kick this stuff around with other guys. This isn’t about us dispensing advice (believe me, the worlds not ready for THAT yet!) but we might occasionally share what we’ve picked up from our own experiences. Our hope is that everyone else at the table does the same; this is the place to talk about what you’ve gone through, vent your frustrations and run your thoughts or plans by others who may have been through something similar.
The best way to envision this site is as a local gathering place where guys can relax and just speak their mind openly and honestly without worrying if someone is going to try to psychoanalyze, criticize or attack us.
Russ and I will generally start off with a discussion between us on a topic and then as others join in it will expand into a general conversation that will be allowed to evolve as it will. The only limits will be on inappropriate content or comments that are insulting or rude towards others; we want to maintain a relaxed and friendly atmosphere.
Well I’ve probably talked more than enough for now; Russ will follow soon with his own post and anyone else out there who’d like to add something feel free to do so.
Bill
Hello! Nice to meet you! I want to welcome you to dudesndivorce.com .
As Bill already said, he and I have experienced divorce first hand. We have experienced some of the pain, anguish, frustration, and yes, even joy, that comes with the entire divorce process. And, of course, the inevitable, expense also! Both financial and emotional.
Maybe you have to. Maybe your thinking about divorce. Maybe you’ve recently found out your spouse is thinking about divorce. Maybe your trying to put your life, and family, back together after a divorce. Whatever your situation, here is a safe place for you to vent if you need to, cry if you want to, ask for ideas, or perhaps just find a friend that will listen to you.
Through the experiences of our divorces, Bill and I had a vision that developed into this blog. Our vision is to break down the barriers and stigmas that tend to separate men during this trying and stressful time of their lives. To give them a place to talk about their worries, their fears, their hopes, their frustrations, or whatever is on their mind, without being told, “No, your a man, you shouldn’t think like that!” Or “What’s the matter with you? Aren’t you a man?”
We, as men, have feelings. We have hearts, some as big as the sky. Some of you may still love your spouses. Some of you may have children involved, and you love them. All these topics and much more are open for discussion here at dudesndivorce.com .
We are here for you.
Russ
Please feel free to contact us at dudesndivorce@dudesndivorce.com. We hope to hear from you!
All content copyright 2009 and should not be used without the express written consent of the authors.
any of you guys dealt with , your wife being born again christian, then start judging how you are, belifs, saying your a lost soul.
frustrated
Hello “e” glad to hear from you! I’ve had something similar happen, although not exactly the same,
I am a Christian and was married to a fellow believer whose beliefs were more fundamental and rigid than my own.
I felt a lot of condemnation and judgment at times whenever she and I disagreed on an issue let me tell you;
guess I can relate to your frustration some.
Are you and she still together or separated?
First, thanks for the time you are putting into the website. I just stumbled upon it today. -I have had the same experience with my spouse being more fundamental of a Catholic than I am. If I missed church from a tired 6 day work week and just want to sleep in, she would subtly roll her eyes or huff about having to get the kids ready by herself (which I know can be hard). Yet, I only have missed a few times a year. It has gotten to the point where I am being judged on how I talk with people (I’m very relaxed and honest at church and hold no pretentiousness or pretend to be something I’m not, a sinner). Soooo, what do I do? I’ve responded by saying that I am sure God doesn’t mind if I miss a couple church services and God doesn’t mind if I speak candidly with people at church (of course, my opinion). Anyways, I can relate to the situation but am not quite sure how to communicate with my wife a compromise or an agreement that I’m not all that bad (in her eyes and God’s).
Afternoon Bob! Glad to hear from you and glad to know that you’ve found something of help here.
Russ and I started this because it seemed like there was so little available on the web
BY divorced “dudes” FOR divorced “dudes”.
As for the church situation . . . Sounds like you’re feeling some condemnation or judgement because you sometimes
want to miss church. What is your priest like? Do you think he might be able to sit down with the two of you and
help? I would imagine he won’t let you completely off the hook on skipping services! ~:?) But he may be able to
talk with your wife about the condeming attitude being unproductive in your marriage. Some priests/pastors will do so
while others won’t – just a thought.
Otherwise how well do the two of you normally communicate? Can you and she talk through and resolve issues openly and honestly?
I am not a marriage counselor (and I don’t play one on TV) but it sounds to me like that may be something to look at.
Write anytime
Bill
Looking for some advice. Money is tight. I agree to pay everything stated how ever I am self employed and the money comes in when it does. She wont accept that. I have told the attorneys put amounts in writing and even if I cant pay up at the moment I will do so at any time the money is there. Does anyone know how to handle this?
help? How can I talk to my kids. I have three kids. They absolutley will not talk to me and its been almost a year. My daughter talks to me now and then but I havent spoke to or seen my one son in almost a year and its tearing me apart. What can I do? My divorce is a result of an affair. However, I wanted to leave long before that ever occured. I am still with that women and we a very much in love and going to be together. My kids do not accept that which I understand but how do I get them to accept me again?
Hello Dave – I am going to assume that both of these posts are from the same person – if not I apologize.
On the money situation I really wouldn’t know what to tell you – not something I have any experience with; I would certainly talk w/ my atty on that.
As for kids, yes, there is no pain quite like the kind caused by distance from your children, sorry you’re having to face that. . . . Russ and I have written a few posts on that general subject. Not knowing your children’s ages and such it is hard to tell for sure. In general what I have found works best in my own life is to let them know that you love them, acknowledge their feelings as being valid and give them time. It may take several years and consistency on your part in keeping the door open to a relationship with them. There is no silver bullet, no fast-lane . . . they’ve been hurt and are going to need time to heal.
That’s my personal, non-professional, take-it-for-what-it’s-worth, perspective.
Hope it’s helpful
Bill
HI Dave,
I can understand your frustration on the money issue. Although I am not self employed I experience something similar. In my state alimony is due on the 1st of the month regardless! To be honest, I can not swing that financially! I have to scrimp and save and work as hard as I can to come up with it by the end of the month, yet if I do not pay it immediately on the first the State begins charging me interest on the balance! My lawyer tells me I am legally ok as long as I am able to pay the full amount by the end of the month. I just have to deal with the interest charges. I do not know how it is in your State.
Keep fighting the good fight. We’re with you!
Russ
I am so glad I found a website that has help. I am unsure where to start looking at your site in regards to my situation being that I just found it. I am still unsure on how to handle my situation. My wife left with my child while I was at work. She stays on the move. Every time I find her and she moves again. She is claiming a religious standing on why she is doing what she is doing. She is also throwing out accusations towards me that I have no idea where they came from. It hurts being betrayed like this. What would you do?